23.3.10

Wesnoth Game Documentation - Storyline [explicit lyrics, not for kids] - Red Team

The story was created by story managers, and is the following:

Introduction

Rocco lives in a muddy village which is a very cool place for spending time, chatting and drinking coffee, but one can never become wealthy enough, that is at least what Rocco thinks. A nearby city has everything necessary to have fun with, and to do nice business. Rocco loves coffee and has proper knowldedge about running a cafeteria, but in the village called Pärnartu, people rather need bread and butter and have no means for spending time in cafeterias. As Rocco has no money for opening even a kiosk where he could sell coffee, and as he is a man of big business, it is 100% clear that he has to move over to a more urbanized area.
The closest urbanized area is a city of Bruzzano, where a spoiled son of Bernhard, Eduard, runs the chain of Cafeterias "Wobernard". Rocco applies for the position of the Chief Paristant of the "Wobernard" chain, but he is forced to sing and dance on the table. As he refuses to do it, he does not get the desired job. Being offended by arrogant urban bitch-asses, he decides to take some of "Wobernard" cafes by force. It is simple - you have to beat the shit out of the managers of the cafes, and then you can run the cafes as you wish. Having a terrible day full of blood and screaming is better than whole life without work in this god forsaken place.



1. Campaign: Agricultural Harrassment.

As a lousy villager, Rocco wakes up at 09:30, and not at  05:15, as benevolent inhabitants of Pärnartu are expected to do. After all he is a man of vision. Having gathered together a decent army of closest friends he heads to Bruzzano to take over the cafes which are mistreated by Eduard.
Villagers: Rocco + 10 other characters.
If possible, they have no money, but a strong wish to fight. They reach Bruzzano and kick all managers out of Cafes.
Urbans: Eduard + 10 other characters. Managers are doing their work. They of course defend cafes as they can by biting, spitting and screaming all over the place.
Task: Take over 10 cafeterias. Win: villagers have cafeterias. Lose: Rocco is killed.

2. Campaign: A Valuable Idea

Rocco is singing and dancing, he is very happy. "Coffee and chocolate," he sings, "latte and capuccino, milk and sugar – this is like a dream." Cafeterias make nice profit and now boys can even buy stuff instead of stealing. Once Eduard is again able to eat porridge and yoghurt, he decides to end this prole-party in his former cafeterias. After another banana everything is decided – he makes Rocco starve to death.
Even Rocco knows what capitalist competition is – you have to make your competitors starve to death or at least make much more money. "I will never fight as an animal, from now on my secret weapon is my clever mind," says Rocco. Description: 10+10 cafes and capitalist competition. Who has more money is the winner and who has less is a bloody-communist (is defeated).

3. Campaign: Roberta Steiner und „Steiner-Tasse Salon”.

Bruzzano is a good place for running a chain of something. The cafeteria is really something runnable. Roberta Steiner knows that, and as a long-term customer of „Wobernard” she has an irresistable desire to open a cafeteria-like Salon chain "Steiner-Tasse”. She has decent finances, so there is no question in opening the charming and feminine part of the cafeterias. Near Bruzzano there is a very cute virginiawolfesque village Nugavere. It is cute and picturesque, so that when the citizens of Bruzzano walk to Nugavere and are simply happy and smiling every fifteen minutes. Roberta Steiner knows that this is the right place to open the salon of Steiner-Tasse. "Steiner-Tasse is against the whole world," thought Rocco, because customers dared to compare his cafeterias with some haggy salon. Roberta makes the best chocolate in the area, that is what people said. The coffee tastes like angel's kiss; this is the place where people would love to die mouth full of chocolate and coffee. Rocco cries and then goes to Steiner-Tasse Salon under heavy camouflage... From that day on he knows that bitch has to die, because her chocolate is so tasty and coffee even better. On his way back from Nugavere an old lady suddenly stops him. She is in tears, but still the good old toothless face of Wobernard is recognizable. Rocco knows that they both are in tears because of this evil bitch. “We have to rape and kill her,” Rocco says. Wobernard spruces up his fake breasts and states: "I'm for killing her first and you can rape her after, but I do not support this." They hug and agree on killing her.
Of course Roberta is not stupid and has enormous amount of bodyguards who are totally in love with her and ready to die if fighting is inevitable. Wobernard, without even removing his fake breast, gathers his loyal friends to kill Roberta. Rocco knows that a proper warrior first removes make-up, and only then takes a few sips of booze for encouragement. As brave as a dragon and as mad as a cow, Rocco calls for all his fellow-warriors. Rocco and Eduard meet, hug (which is an ancient warrior custom), and head to Nugavere. Win: Roberta is dead. Lose: Eduard or Rocco are dead.

4. Campaign: Grand Coffee Finale.

Moments of tenderness do not last long. Time to choose the Chief Paristant of the Bruzzano has come. The whole city is preparing for a grandiose and fun event and so do the candidates. Rocco and his new best friend, son of Bernhard, Eduard, are doing preparations as well. They sharpen their swords and boil coffee water hotter than it has ever been before in purpose of eliminating the rival. There is only room for one Chief Paristant in this Cafe Kingdom. There is no time to hesitate and there's nothing but life to loose, thus the Grand Coffee Finale has begun.
Win: Eduard is killed. Lose: Rocco is killed.
"It's just business, nothing personal."

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